Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
