Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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