Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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