your parents love me but you hate me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
