wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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