so explain again why im purple
no
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
