So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
