goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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