i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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