worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
