Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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