God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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