Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
