please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
