White coat. Heels.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
