i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
