I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize