So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
