i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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