your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
don't judge my taste in strippers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
