well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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