You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
