Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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