i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
