how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
