How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
