im having a threesome with these popsicles
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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