i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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