This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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