not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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