i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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