"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
