I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
