wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
operation have a gay friend backfired
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
