why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sobbing to NWA
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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