Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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