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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Everclear isn't food dammit
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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