Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
