The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
