i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He felt like a one man threesome
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
