remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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