i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
