yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
