I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
