I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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