so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize