Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
