im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
