Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
high people should be assigned attendants
you will always have a special place in my vag
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
