vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
