Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
