Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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