He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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