Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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