I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.