i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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