Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
