Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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