im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
