Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
