If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
