Just fell off a train. Bad.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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