So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And then he peed in my hair
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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