I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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