nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.