who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.