What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
