Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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