Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?