It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
