why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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