Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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