my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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