weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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