I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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