Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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