I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
