I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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