I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
