Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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