I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
please don't ironically join a cult
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