She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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