YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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