It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
