a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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