um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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