Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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