I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
