Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
