Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
