My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
