Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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